Here are chapters 1 & 2 π
Always and Forever will be out at the end of June!
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Chapter 1
Iβm staring out my store window watching Brody Kelly walking down the sidewalk across the street and briefly picture him as one of those ducks in that arcade shooting game. I pull my right hand up, pointer finger out and thumb up as if my handβs a gun, squint an eye closed, aim and take my shot.
βPiper Knowlton!β my older sister Greer calls from behind me.
I turn around, caught red-handed and have the decency to look guilty. βI know,β I say.
She walks over to where Iβm standing. βYou know, a rifle would do a much better job.β She holds her right hand up the same as I had but brings her left up and out as if sheβs holding the gun barrel, aiming it at Brody, and I die laughing.
βAnd thatβs one of the many reasons youβre my favorite sister,β I say through my giggles.
βHa ha. Iβm your only sister, you jerk.β She turns her βgunβ on me now. βSay something nice or you get it.β
βYouβre the best sister anyone could ever have!β I respond to appease her silliness, holding my hands up in surrender.
Lowering her arms she nods. βThatβs what I thought.β She glances out the window watching as Brody goes inside Maggieβs Diner, the best eating establishment this side of the Mississippi. βYou still havenβt gotten any info from anyone?β
βNope. As far as I know, Brodyβs reason was the reason.β I roll my eyes.
βAnd youβre sure heβs not dating?β
Ouch.
βI donβt think so. Ryan said sheβs kept a close eye on him and hasnβt seen or heard anything.β
Ryan Stratton has been my best friend since she moved to Serenity Point, Virginia, our seventh grade year. She now owns The Mane Event, the one hair salon in town, and hears all the latest town gossip firsthand, so after Brody and I broke up, she officially declared herself warden of any wooing he might consider undertaking. I actually think she hopes he does try dating someone else because she wonβt stop telling me how eager she is to put to use the Taekwondo skills sheβs been learning in her class at the gym on Monday nights if she catches him.
βAnd even after the googly eyes he was giving you at the New Yearβs Eve party he still hasnβt tried calling?β Greer asks with a frown.
βNope.β I sigh. βI guess it really is over.β I frown too when I see one of the antique tables in my store has a drawer pulled out. I walk over and close it and get ready for the tears to come as they always do when I see Brody, and whatβs weird is, they donβt. Hm.
Itβs been over a year since Brody and I broke up and it hasnβt been a lot of fun. I mean, Jesus, weβd been together since we were sophomores in high school. Heβd been my first everything. Heβd been my only everything. And I thought I knew him but apparently not.
As for the breakup, if youβve ever gone through one where the other party refuses to talk to you, just insists itβs over without any logical explanation, then you feel my pain. And although being without him hurts, I think what hurts worse is how it ended.
Iβd been out of town because Greer had just given birth to my gorgeous niece Addison and when Iβd come back, Brody had acted strangely toward me, closed off and distant. Iβd asked him several times what was wrong but heβd played it off, saying he was just stressed about his job since heβd just become a fireman. Then a month later right before Christmas, he picked a fight with me over how many kids weβd have when we got married. I say when because thatβs how sure Iβd been about our relationship. Talking about our future kids was normal since I knew weβd be together forever. Anyway, heβd known from the beginning that I always said two was the most I wanted and heβd wholeheartedly agreed. Then out of the blue he started insisting that we have five, and suddenly it was all five kids or freakinβ bust. Iβd been so confused about where thatβd come from especially since heβd taken such a strong stand about it, getting red in the face as we argued for three days about it.
Now, of course weβd had heated arguments before, just like any couple, but we almost always resolved our differences in a matter of hours then proceeded to have awesome makeup sex. But when the great βIβve changed my mind and want you to squeeze five of my spawn out of your vaginaβ argument kept going, I became concerned, wondering what was making him so adamant that we have enough kids to form a boyband.
On the evening of the third day of our argument, things had cooled a bit and weβd made love. Afterward, as weβd been lying there, me in his arms thinking weβd finally resolved things and thanking God that heβd come to his senses in deciding to spare my lady bits the trauma of birthing three more children than I wanted to, heβd abruptly moved me off of him and sat up, putting his feet on the floor. He then sat at the edge of my bed, head in his hands and I had no clue what was going on. When Iβd heard him let out a shuddering breath, Iβd gotten on my knees and gone to him, wrapping my arms around his neck from behind, asking what was wrong.
And thatβs when heβd told me he βcouldnβt do this anymoreβ and that we were over then heβd gotten dressed and left.
Just like that.
Silly, huh?
Iβd just given him a surprise birthday party at Jenβs Jamming Joint, Serenity Pointβs local bar, the week before when heβd turned twenty-eight for cripesβ sake! But during the weeks leading up to the party, heβd seemed on the verge of telling me something and before I ever heard what he wanted to say, we were finished.
Kaput.
Over.
Done.
Of course, I knew the βletβs have enough kids to match how many seconds in which you can safely eat something you dropped on the floor ruleβ thing was a ridiculous reason and had to be an excuse for something he was trying to cover up. Iβd cornered him at his parentsβ house the next day and asked what the real reason was that weβd broken up, but heβd stuck with the same stupid story making me want to smack him. Iβd sought him out for two weeks straight after that, wherever he happened to beβin Magsβ getting lunch, in the shower (I still had a key to his doublewide trailer), in the bathroom at Jenβsβbegging him to explain things to me but still got nowhere. Hell, Iβd even made a last-ditch attempt to embarrass the truth out of him by confronting him at the firehouse in front of his fellow firemen (I know, lame, but Iβd been brokenhearted and desperate and clearly out of my mind), and when heβd looked at me coldly telling me for the twentieth time it was because he wanted five kids, Iβd given up.
Then Iβd gone home, crawled into bed, and cried my eyes out.
Unfortunately, small-town breakups are the worst. I swear, everyone in Serenity Point knew weβd broken up three seconds after the fact. That next day I probably got thirty calls from people telling me how sorry they were that things hadnβt worked out between Brody and me. On top of that, it amazed me that women who Iβd thought were my friends, like, my entire life, had asked if I minded if they asked Brody out! Stacia Mackie and Bethany Yates were now and forever on my shitlist. Backstabbing bitches. But the overall shittiest thing of living somewhere with a small population is that Iβve had to see him almost every day since, which hasnβt helped in the healing process one bit.
So now here it is January, coming up on the thirteenth month anniversary of our relationshipβs demise and I surprisingly hadnβt gotten teary-eyed when Iβd seen him.
βGreerβ¦β I turn to face her and just stand there, my mouth hanging open as I blink at her.
Sheβs moving a flower arrangement to a different table before she stops and turns to look at me. βWhat?β
βI saw Brody,β I say.
Her brow comes down and I have to smile because she looks so much like our mom right then, her long hair in a French braid down her back and her green eyes looking at me curiously. Sheβs no taller than I am, or Mom for that matter, all of us petite, barely making it over five feet, we all have the same strawberry blond hair, but where they both have green eyes, mine are blue.
So as Greer gazes at me, I finally see the lightbulb come on as her eyes get big.
βYou didnβt cry,β she says quietly as if sheβs stunned.
I shake my head slowly, just as shocked as she is.
This is huge, monumental even.
I bring my thumb to my mouth and bite on the nail, a bad habit Iβve had since birth, I think. βDoes that mean Iβm over him?β I whisper.
She purses her lips and shrugs. βI donβt know, Pipe. Letβs just say itβs a start, okay?β
I nod uncertainly, feeling sort of bad for not choking up at seeing him. I mean, Iβve been doing it for the past year and Iβm kind of used to it, but now all of a sudden the waterworks have stopped? So weird and a little scary all at the same time.
βStrange,β I mutter. Then I shrug too, deciding Iβll mull it over later. βYou ready to help sand Mrs. Mackalhayβs armoire?β
She lets out an irritated breath. βAs Iβll ever be. I actually think itβs toning my arms, though, which is kinda cool,β she says, sticking an arm out and shaking it. I chuckle before we go to the back of the store to work on my latest project.
I opened Knowltonβs Knick Knacks three years ago and love everything about it. I started out leaning toward it being an all antique shop, but when Iβd gone on road trips to check out other stores and get ideas, Iβd come across so many cool things I decided hodgepodge was the way to go. Iβve always had a pretty eclectic sense of style, combining anything and everything from contemporary to classic to rustic to industrial, and after opening, I immediately had a steady flow of customers because I guess people liked the combination of those styles too as they came from all over Virginia and the surrounding states to purchase my wares. And they keep coming back because if I donβt have it, I can almost always find it and I think they like that Iβm willing to go the extra mile for them.
When we get to the back of the store, I switch on my little radio for some tunes to keep us entertained then Greer and I grab our sanding blocks and get started. When weβd begun this project, sheβd at first complained asking why I wasnβt using electric sanders and Iβd explained that the armoire was over a hundred years old and we had to be careful. I guess she wasnβt complaining now since her arms were getting a workout. And, God, I was so happy sheβd moved closer to home. Her husband Clay was an optometrist (and was amazing to her, by the way) and had been working in Harrisonburg for the past five years, but three months ago heβd gotten a job in Richmond and weβd all been thrilled. Instead of them being almost three hours away, now only an hour separated us, which meant we got to see them and my sweet niece more often. Greer and Addie had come in Wednesday of this week and were staying until Sunday at Mom and Dadβs and Clay was coming down this evening. I loved when my family was all together as did my parents who were right now watching Addie and loving that they were getting to play Grandma and Grandpa. And I was loving that my parents, while Greer was here, werenβt bugging me asking when I was going to have kids.
While I sand away, I think about what happened earlier, testing to see if Iβm really over Brody, wondering that if I saw him out with someone else, would I be jealous. When I come to the conclusion that, hell yes, Iβd be jealous, furious even, and would probably spontaneously claw the chickβs eyes out right before castrating him, I sigh. So much for progress, huh? I let out another sigh, and to get my mind off him, I start listening to the radio which is a bad idea because as I listen, I realize that almost every song is about love and heartache and breakups and cheating and I want to throw something.
Note to self: Donβt listen to the radio when youβre single. Ever.
Using her sisterly ESP and sensing that Iβm having a tough time, Greer looks at me cross-eyed then winks mumbling that everythingβs going to be okay before she takes a deep breath herself and continues scrubbing on the armoire. Itβs then that the bell on the front door of the store jingles.
βBe with you in a second,β I holler then put my sanding block down and go over to rinse my hands in the sink. βIβll be back,β I tell Greer as she continues with her sanding, making me giggle as she shakes her butt to whatβs finally an upbeat tune thatβs now playing on the radio.
As I walk toward the front, I run my hands down the cute floral dress Iβm wearing. Itβs got skinny shoulder straps and a big, hot pink bow that ties to the side. Totally girly and totally me. Itβs also a dress meant to be worn in the spring which is still a couple months away but Iβm ready for nice weather, so ridiculously sick of the cold. Iβd accompanied it with a hot pink sweater but had hung it over the back of a chair before I started sanding. Now my hot pink heels click on the floor as I approach the man standing with his back to me, and I can only see the outline of him since the big window of my store is behind him, the glare from outside making him a shadow, but I see he has broad shoulders and a narrow waist which makes me raise my eyebrows in appreciation. Nice. I could stand some man candy right about now to obliterate all thoughts about my ex. I find Iβm actually looking forward to my mind spending some time in the gutter for the next few minutes lusting over this guy, really hoping his face matches that body, but when I get right up on him, I stop so quickly my heels have probably left skid marks on the wood floor, and I have to suck in a breath when he turns around.
Then my voice goes all shaky when I ask, βBrody?β
Chapter 2
Holy shit. Whatβs Brody doing here?
He turns and looks at me and I frown at the expression on his face.Β βWhat is it?β
And, God, itβs so weird to see him all up-close-and-personal after all this time. He still looks the same, his sandy brown hair messy as usual, expressive hazel eyes that donβt miss a thing, his square jaw covered in scruff, and, lord, he looks good in his blue cargo pants and t-shirt with the FDSP logo over his left pec, the t-shirt tight across his powerful chest and around his muscular biceps. Heβs more than a foot taller than I am, but Iβve always loved that, his size making me feel protected and safe. But as I take him in now, I find myself getting angry that heβs actually here. In my store. After all this time, heβs making an appearance when before he wouldnβt even give me the time of day. Itβs like a punch to the gut and I find that I really want to punch him in the gut for even being here. And, damn it! Iβm not a violent person but just seeing him here is bringing it out in me. Ugh!
βItβs Doryβ¦β he says and I just stare at him.
Four years ago, heβd won a blue betta fish at the town carnival by knocking down bottles with a baseball at a booth the Boy Scouts ran. Heβd been so excited, telling me it was our first βkidβ together. The next day heβd bought an aquarium and rocks, a castle, hell, the whole nine yards, and set it all up on a stand next to the TV in his trailer. Iβd laughed at how much attention heβd given it but had been secretly thrilled that heβd acted as if it was ours which made me think heβd be a fabulous father someday.
And now he gives me those two words. The first words heβs spoken to me in over a year. A year!
And they involve a fucking fish.
βWhat about her?β I inquire cautiously knowing it canβt be good if heβs here, but Iβm still stuck on the fact that this is the first time heβs talked to me in months and Iβm starting to get even angrier.
I watch as he purses his lips then mumbles as he looks at the floor, βI found her floating at the top of the tank when I ran home after lunch just now.β
I canβt help but stare at him, entirely at a loss for words. I mean, I havenβt even thought about the stupid fish since we broke up. I know she represented something between us at the time, but with all heβs put me through, I just canβt find it in me right now to be upset over it. Iβve had a year of being upset and Iβm sick of it.
I take a deep breath and as nicely as I can offer, βIβm sorry.β
His head comes up and his eyes look directly into mine. I havenβt had his eyes on me like this in forever and it feels as if my heartβs being squeezed by some invisible hand inside my chest. βI-Iβm gonna miss herβ¦ Iβ¦β he clears his throat, βmissβ¦ youβ¦β
Wow.
Of course, this is something Iβve been dying to hear from him for a long time, but now that I have, it just seems anticlimactic.
As in, big fat wow.
So all I can do is keep staring at him as the thoughts inside my head start pinging off the walls of my skull like a pinball stuck between a bumper and the side of the machine as it racks up a gazillion points.
He misses me.
Because a fish died.
He misses me.
Because now I guess heβs realizing heβs truly alone.
Just like Iβve been for the past year.
And he hasnβt talked to me in such a long time.
But he finally comes to me because of an idiotic fish.
Heβs ignored me when weβve passed each other on the street, seemingly content in not even acknowledging my presence even though Iβve caught him staring at me every other time but always from a distance.
And now he says he misses me. And he says it on the day I didnβt tear up when I saw him and hoped it meant I was finally getting over him.
And now Iβm chewing on my thumbnail, damn it.
I lower my arm and feel my hands ball into fists at my sides gritting my teeth because I want to bash his frigginβ face in then yell at him or vice versa. Either works. But then I remember myself, remember that Iβm in my store and that anyone could come through the door at any time and I wouldnβt want to lose business because Iβve turned into a raging bitch. I breathe in deeply through my nose and let it out trying to calm myself which works for the moment. βYou miss meβ¦β I state quietly, my eyes narrowed as they remain locked on his.
I see his jaw muscles jump as he stares back at me. Then he nods slowly.
Well, this is just too much.
I huff out a laugh, putting my hands on my hips. βI think it might be too late, Brody,β I state a little snottily, seeing his eyes go hard upon hearing that. Whatever.
βWhatβre you saying, Piper?β
I shrug nonchalantly although every muscle in my body is tight. βI saw you walking to Magsβ earlier and to be honest, I felt nothing. After more than a year of wanting to cry every time I saw you, today that didnβt happen.β I shrug again to get the point across even as my heartβs beating a hundred miles an hour in my chest.
βHuh.β I see his eyes flash with anger but whoop-ti-doo. Iβm angry too. Then he throws me a zinger. βIs it because youβre in love with that guy?β
I want to roll my eyes so badly itβs all I can do to keep them still in their sockets.
Iβd gone out exactly two times with Alex Troxell who Iβd met on a trip to an antique show last October. He was from Richmond and made Shaker style furniture that he sold in a shop he owned. Weβd immediately hit it off but when heβd asked me out Iβd been hesitant. When heβd persisted, Iβd finally explained to him about the breakup letting him know I probably wouldnβt be good company. Heβd understood but had continued to pursue things, asking me to give him a chance. He was very cute and very sweet, so Iβd finally agreed. After our second date (weβd gone to Jenβs and Iβd run into Brody on the way out which had been all kinds of awkward), I realized Alex would never be anything but a rebound, which I hated because he was such a nice guy, but my heart couldnβt be convinced otherwise, so Iβd ended things with him at my front porch where heβd given me a chaste kiss then told me to call him if I ever got to a place where I thought I could move on.
And now Brodyβs asking if Iβm in love with him, a guy I havenβt seen in three months and who I seriously couldβve seen myself with if it hadnβt been for my feelings for Brody. And with his accusatory tone, heβs trying to make me feel guilty about it when heβs the one who broke up with me! And now here comes my temper.
βNo, Iβm not in love with him! And itβs all your fault!β I hiss.
His head jerks back as he frowns at me.
I nod. βYeah. If it wasnβt for you, I could be dating him right now!β I step into him and jab my finger into his chest on the words you and now but stop because his chest is rock hard and that just pisses me off more. Putting my hands back on my hips, I continue. βAlex is a wonderful man but I had to let him go because I realized I wasnβt over you yet!β
When I see his lips twitch at that, I see red.
βWhatβs so fucking funny, Brody Matthew Kelly? Is the fact that Iβm still not over you and had to end it with a great guy that hilarious?β I screech.
He frowns again.
Now I go for the throat. βAnd whatβs more is, he didnβt have a problem with me only wanting two kids!β Total lie because Alex and I never talked about kids.
Brodyβs eyes spark with anger again and Iβm glad Iβve hurt him because heβs hurt me so much. The next thing I know, he grabs me by my upper arms and turns, pushing me against the wall and gets right in my face, his voice all rumbly. βYou listen to me, Piper, and listen good. I love you! Youβre mine! I wanted to rip that fuckerβs head off when I saw him with you at Jenβs but knew I had no right. Iβve got a right now.β
His lips come crashing down on mine and Iβm so stunned I donβt even try to resist. But when he pulls back and looks down at me, I gaze up at him, definitely shaken by whatβs happened until my head stops spinning enough for me to realize what heβs just done and Iβm livid. To prove it, I haul off and slap him, feeling some satisfaction that Iβve actually made him step back from me.
βStay away from me, Brody!β I snap, pushing at his chest but of course he doesnβt budge which just serves to make me madder than I already am. βI mean it. You lost any rights to me when you ended things between us!β
His eyes are on mine as he rubs his cheek slowly and I see an edge to them, as if Iβve offered him a challenge.
Great.
And now the bastard grins. βWeβll see about that,β he replies smoothly as he turns to leave. βCatch you later, Greer!β he hollers without a look back just before he walks out the door.
Greer comes up and stands beside me, both of us watching Brody walking down the street toward the firehouse, hands in his front pockets all easygoing and shit.
βJerk,β I mumble.
I see Greer nodding out of the corner of my eye. βI do have to say, though, that was pretty steamy, Pipe.β
I glance over to see her staring dreamily out the window and elbow her in the arm. βWhose side are you on?β
βOw!β She rubs her upper arm frowning at me. βMy arms are sore enough, Piper! God, you keep doing things to make them worse, then Iβm definitely on his side!β She turns and walks to the back and I hear her grumble, βEspecially now that heβs decided to man up.β
~~~
βSo, I heard Brody paid you a visit today,β Ryan says when she calls me at home that night.
See? Itβs like thereβs a gossip hotline around here.
I bend my head, holding my phone between my shoulder and ear as I squirt a buttercream frosting bow onto a high-heel shaped sugar cookie then place it onto the wax paper where the rest are. Tomorrow is Saturday and itβs the annual After the Holidays Hullabaloo where every business in town offers huge sales and other goodies. Iβll be giving a twenty-percent discount on everything in the store and giving out my signature cookies which are always a big hit.
The Hullabaloo has been a major to-do in Serenity Point ever since I can remember and practically the whole town comes out for the fun. Thereβs a silent auction to which most of the businesses donate goods, anything from Magsβ homemade pies or cakes, a free haircut from The Mane Event, a flower arrangement from Pattyβs Petals to new tires offered by Haleβs Garage which is down the street from my store. This year Iβve donated an antique quilt I purchased at an estate sale in Richmond. There will also be a carnival (the same one where Brody won Dory all those years ago) where local organizations have game booths, a cakewalk is run, different bands play throughout the evening and finally a bachelor/bachelorette auction is held with all the proceeds from everything going to the maintenance of the city library and park.
Now, as for this bachelor/bachelorette auction? Only men can bid on women and women on men, so in previous years, Brody and I hadnβt participated because, well, we were together. Last year we hadnβt because weβd just broken up and I think we both were in a stupor from it, but this year Iβve decided to enter just for the hell of it. I mean, all that happens is someone bids to win a particular person then that person is theirs for a day, usually doing yardwork for them or something of the sort.
Well, except for two years ago when old Mrs. Neely, former Miss Virginia and whoβs about a hundred years old and has been a widow for as long as I can remember, bid and won Mike Heller whoβs in his early thirties, owns the local gym, is a boxer, and is pretty much an all-around badass. Sheβd had him take her to Richmond where theyβd had dinner then attended the opera. Afterward, Mike informed Kade, Brodyβs older brother who owns the lumberyard in town and who Mike works part-time for, that theyβd taken her early 80s Lincoln Town Car (where, according to him, she tried groping him a couple times as he drove) to one of the fanciest restaurants heβd ever been to. He said sheβd ordered oysters on the half shell first, telling him they were an aphrodisiac as she waggled her eyebrows at him. For dinner theyβd had lobster, which had been served whole and he admitted he hadnβt known what to do. Sheβd taught him how to take it apart, crack the shell then eat it which he said was messy but pretty cool. He also said their conversation had been good until she kept trying to talk him into becoming her own personal American Gigolo to which heβd graciously declined. Overall, he said the βdateβ had been fun until they got home and sheβd tried to kiss him after heβd walked her to her front porch. He relayed that the worst of it all had been when sheβd puckered up, her dentures had shot out and heβd had to retrieve them from a flower pot on her porch.
So to help my townβand maybe to make Brody a little jealous but whateverβthis year I was going up on the auction block in the hopes that Iβd get someone who only wanted me for something easy like raking leaves or vacuuming their house. Iβd asked Dad to make a bid so I could help him clean out the shed but heβd laughed and said heβd have me do it for free another time.
βYeah. He told me he misses me. Can you believe it?β I say to Ryan as I continue decorating cookies.
I hear her cleaning up the salon in the background. βYes, I can believe it. Heβs moped around town with puppy-dog eyes for the past year. He still loves you, Pipe. I think he regrets what heβs done and wants you back, plain and simple.β
βThis whole thing is weird,β I mumble.
βYeah, it really is. Youβd think I wouldβve at least heard something about why he did it but I got nothinβ,β she replies.
βThat is strange,β I agree. This town is like Peyton Place, so whatever secret Brodyβs keeping which led to our breakup shouldβve come out a long time ago. And speaking of Peyton. βI still think it has something to do with Peyton. Brody acted like he was scared to death of her when we ran into her at his birthday party. And Kadeβs been bend-over-backwards nice to her the past year, well, until he and Amelia got back together.β
Peyton Capps is the town bitch. Every town has one, and believe me she takes her role seriously. She was the mean girl in high school and still wears that crown to this day. Her dad had been mayor throughout her high school years and I guess she thought that meant she was royalty because she acted as if she was so much better than everyone. During school, sheβd broken up tons of couples by starting rumors either just to be mean or because she wanted to date the guy. My freshman year sheβd been a senior so I hadnβt been in her line of sight, but many others had and sheβd wreaked havoc wherever sheβd gone. I think the entire town gave a huge sigh of relief when sheβd headed off to college the next year. When sheβd come back two years later after dropping out, everyone thought sheβd settle down once she was married and had kids, but nope, that wasnβt the case. Her husbandβs job had taken him out of town quite a bit and sheβd ended up cheating on him with the current mayor which led to her divorce. Now she spends a lot of time at Jenβs scoping out guys with her bitchy group of girlfriends.
βAnd you know what? Iβve been in a coma the last year with everything but Iβm waking up now, so I think Iβm gonna get to the bottom of things with her,β I inform Ryan.
βJust be careful. Sheβs evil. As in, try to make you eat a poison apple, prick your finger on a spinning wheel, steal your voice, your Dalmatians and then lock you in a tower, evil.β
I chuckle. βYouβve been hanging out with your nieces for too long.β
βI know. I cried the other day when Elsa wouldnβt build a fucking snowman with Anna.β
This makes me laugh as I set my phone down, putting it on speaker while I put more frosting into the bag. βSo, youβre doing the bachelorette auction too tomorrow, right?β
I hear her sigh. βYep. Third year in a row. Instead of having to cut some old balding guyβs hair for free, I keep waiting for Prince Charming to ride up, bid on my ass, swoop me onto his horse then we ride away into the sunset where I cut his hair on a golden throne but it hasnβt happened yet.β
βMy house Sunday, you, me, Sons of Anarchy marathon to get all this Disney shit outta your head.β
βFor real. Iβm so there.β I hear water running in a sink as she cleans. βBut, God, youβd think thereβd be one guy around who Iβd wanna date so I didnβt have to hang out at my brotherβs all the time with my nieces. Iβm sure he and Camille are tired of me coming over almost every weekend even though I do babysit.β
βHave you thought about dating Dwight? Or Mike?β
βI told you I think Iβm too curvy for them. The last girl Sheriff Dwight dated was smaller than you! And Mike is Mr. Fit Boxer and Iβm Ms. Five-ten 36-26-36. I think he likes them smaller too. I also think I scared him away at the New Yearβs Eve party when I told him I could beat him at arm wrestling.β
I laugh again. Ryanβs beautiful: tall, long blond hair and hazel eyes that turn green when sheβs happy and flash to brown when sheβs pissed. She modeled some when we were in high school and probably couldβve gone places with it, but her love for making others beautiful led to her getting her hairdresserβs license and opening her own shop instead. βOh, yeah, I forgot about that. His eyes got huge and he acted like he couldnβt get away fast enough. Meh. So heβs a wuss. I know thereβs someone out there for you. In the meantime, just enjoy being single with me.β
She lets out a βPfftttβ sound. βYeah, youβve enjoyed it so much this past year.β
βWell, Iβm gonna start to enjoy it now! Iβm tired of being a Debbie Downer. Be ready βcause Iβm gonna be coming in to get my nails and hair done soon!β
βUh, you do that once a month anyway, Pipe.β
βWell, Iβm gonna do it with more pep!β
She giggles. βThatta girl. βKay, Iβve gotta close up then run by Joshβs and help Camille finish making cupcakes. Hot guys are waiting to bid on us tomorrow so get a good nightβs rest!β she says before hanging up.
Hot guys indeed. Iβll be lucky if I donβt get stuck with Gus Batchelder whoβll probably want to go skinny dipping in the ocean. Never mind that itβs January or that heβs eighty-something and married. He already streaked down Main Street a couple years ago, so it wouldnβt surprise me in the least if that was his plan.
I finish the cookies then proceed to place them into my multi-tray cookie courier and seal it up. After a quick cleanup, I pour myself another glass of wine then taking it with me, head back to the bathroom where I turn the water on in my clawfoot tub and pour a generous amount of my calming bubble bath in. Itβs been a long day and I need a long, soothing soak, I decide. Iβve also not allowed myself any time to think about what happened earlier with Brody and nowβs as good a time as any.
After going to my bedroom to strip down and grab my robe, I return to the bathroom and stepping into the tub, sink down into the mass of bubbles with a sigh. I retrieve my wine from where I placed it on the windowsill and take a sip before lying back and resting my head against the tub. God, if we could wear plastic suits filled with bubble baths all day every day, life would be so much less stressful.
I stick my toe out and turn the cold water knob by degrees eventually shutting it off but allow the hot to run for a bit longer before doing the same to it, having now acquired a just-right temperature. As I lie there in silence, eyes closed, the lavender smell of the bath relaxing me, itβs then I realize that Iβm crying, big tears running down the sides of my face. I sniff and bring the wine glass to my lips again, allowing myself this time to break down a bit. Iβve known all day it was coming so Iβm not surprised.
The tears continue as I think about all Iβve gone through since Brody and I split. I mourn the loss of our friendship (yet again), how good weβd been together, how completely loved Iβd always felt being with him. I cry because I know I hurt Alex even though heβd said he understood. I lament the loss of being part of Brodyβs family, having missed his awesome parents and brother and sister. And, yes, I even find it in me to bemoan the fact that Dory died.
But most of all, my heart aches at losing the only man Iβve ever loved, at the loneliness Iβve felt inside for so long because he left me, and at the anger Iβve felt due to his betrayal.
I give myself a few minutes more to grieve as I think about today. I wonder whatβs changed making him say he has a right to me now. He also says he still loves me and I know I still love him, but Iβm a different person from the one he broke up with. Iβm stronger now, tougher and, sadly, more jaded than I was before. Getting your heart broken for the first time tends to shatter your innocence and that thought makes me sad too.
I sigh and finish the rest of my wine, and after placing the glass back on the ledge, I slowly lower myself down in the tub until Iβm completely submerged, my hair floating above me like the gossamer fibers of cotton candy as itβs being spun. And itβs quite lovely under the water, the only sound being the solid thrum of my heart beating in my ears. And itβs my heart, a heart thatβs been destroyed this past year, completely obliterated, yet on it beats, that fills me with a sense of pride knowing that I myself didnβt break.
I hold my breath until I no longer can and blow out air as I resurface. The peace I suddenly feel is one that I havenβt felt in a very long time and I know everythingβs going to be all right.
I hope.
Β©2015 Harper Bentley
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